guess who’s exhausted?
me.
i do the most. at all times. and i’m sooo tired of it. im pooped. i’m exhaaausted. i really have no more energy to handle the mess that i create. the more i try to patch things up, the more i spiral and compound upon a trainwreck. you ever look at yourself while you’re in the midst of doing something, you take a moment to think “hm, this is probably the best thing for me to do” but then you do the exact opposite? now. you ever do that over and over and over again? trainwreck. but i think i had to get to this point to really truly want to do better for myself.
i’m a control freak, if you haven’t been able to gauge that so far. it’s funny that i’m such a control freak— or a “perfectionist” as i lovingly put it— because i mess up all the time. the things in which i try to have the most control actually are the things that i end up losing most of my “control.” for instance, dating…? psh. one second i know my worth, the next i’m squandering it away in the name of “preserving” some silly status quo. lets not even talk about something past dating. im too tired. i can’t fathom much of anything in that realm right now.
i was supposed to either get home and study or get home and go to sleep and get a good nights rest. instead, i spent my precious time doing neither. i spent my time explaining something that wasn’t even the case. massaging someone else’s insecurity. but now i feel insecure. my priorities are wayy outta wack and it’s sad.
but i’m talking too vaguely for this to have much meaning, so i’m gonna bounce and sleep. i kno i deserve better and i deserve to give myself better. i just hope it’s not too late for things to be great
