i’ve had some interesting things happen in my life lately. my perception of things have turned upside down because i realize i’m evolving and searching for more certainty in as many areas of my life as possible. it’s caused me to sacrifice a few things because i need to gain more clarity. i wholeheartedly believe that you can’t really enjoy or really receive something until you’re solid about who you are and have a vision about where you’re going.
i have been placing a premium on the things that i do as a means to define who i am. while i believe that what i do is directly correlated to who i am, i’ve merged the two into one big overwhelming glob that i can barely stomach. what do i do? as i stated before, i go to school, i work for a judge, i write on a journal, i help run an organization, i mentor as much as i can, i exercise when i get time, i study whenever i can maintain focus. i check in on friends, i sleep at random times, i sing at all times in between. what do i like to do? get lost in a story… whether it’s a book, or a tv series, or productive thought that is totally unrelated to the subject matter i’m learning in school. i like to dance— almost any kind of dance you can imagine. i like to touch and be touched… whether it’s a reassuring pat or a genuine hug that make a person’s world better. or even a much needed massage because of all the tension i carry in my upper body. i smile, i laugh and bubble over, i add humor in situations where i’m nervous and even unsure. i apologize even when i’m not truly in the wrong, but i’m trying to appease and preserve something special. i am rational, but i am compassionate which gets in the way of the rational. i’m sensitive but i’m also hard-nosed. my mom used to say i had ice running through my veins because it takes a lot to rattle me to my core. i feel my emotions, they aren’t dormant, but i manage them in a way that keeps them still to the outsider. i love to travel, to teach, to solve a problem in a creative way that people are normally not gutsy enough to fathom. i go at things head on, i have little shame and sometimes i go overboard, but after reflection, i can back off. i’m a peacemaker, a mediator, a people pleaser at times, but not always. i’m small but i’m oh so mighty.
that’s who i am.. and that should be informing what i do.
